A picture or expectation is what we project onto another person about how they should live their life while a standard is the way we choose to live. But what happens when, on an arbitrary scale, our standard is at a qualitative level of eight while another person’s standard is at five?
Senior Behaviour Specialist Tanya Curtis tells us that this situation can cause much conflict and reminds us to ‘not judge the gap’. She explains that a standard is there for us to live and keep living and automatically offers the other person an opportunity to see that there is indeed a difference. They may, in their own timing, choose to change their standard and close the gap.
On the other hand, judging the gap becomes an imposition based on projection, i.e. you need to change your standard to meet my standard. And thus we end up with an expectation and a picture.
A standard offers the other person a reflection and the opportunity to see that there is a higher quality they are not yet choosing to live. But there is no expectation that they should change, it’s just an offering to show them that there is a different way.
So a standard allows other people to develop higher standards in their own rhythm while pictures and expectations are an imposition on their timing, telling them how we think they should live their life, sooner rather than later.
This video may be useful for those searching for the following:
- Upholding standards
- Holding yourself to high standards
- How to set high standards
What to watch next:
And for a deeper dive into all things LASTING behaviour change with FABIC:
- For a free downloadable Fabism: FABIC Perfectionism Newsletter.
Episode 4 in the Building Skills for LASTING Behaviour Change series talks about getting the facts before reacting and Episode 6 asks, ‘Can I change this life situation?’ can be found here.
- Episode 3 of the Mental Wellness series explains the blockages that get in the way of our mental wellness.
