Question:
Sometimes I feel that being proud of my child is somewhat taboo when speaking to other parents. Shouldn’t we all be encouraging our kids to try their best and celebrate their achievements?
Answer:
It really depends on what we are proud of our children for, as to whether it is so-called ‘taboo’ or not. More so, it is what children develop an awareness for, in relation to what they do and don’t gain recognition for that must be considered first and has the potential to cause harm.We must always remember that behaviour is not who a person is, it is what they do.
When a person becomes identified by what they do, there will be guaranteed anxiety leading to future behavioural challenges, low self-esteem and an overall poor sense of well being. This is a contributor for children, teenagers and adults who experience poor mental health.
Think about it like this: When a person is identified by their ‘thumbs-down’ choices, they develop a belief pattern along the lines that they are bad, naughty and/or unworthy in some way. A person who is identified by their ‘thumbs-up’ choices can subscribe to the ideal that they are only ‘good’ if they choose thumbs-up choices.
A person is never bad or good. A person is always an awesome, amazing human who may at times choose thumbs-down actions while at other times may make thumbs-up choices.
Your child is never completely thumbs up or thumbs down – it’s their behaviours (what they do) that may be.
Recognition of behaviours (thumbs up or thumbs down) sets a rocky foundation for their future ahead.
Do you love your children because they got an A at school? They presented something on assembly? Or they won their soccer game? Or, do you love your children for just BEING them, the exquisite being that was there at their birth and remains until their last breath … and beyond?
This article was originally published in the August 2018 Edition of Haven Magazine.
